Tears

A lot of tears have been shed over infertility.  Tears were shed at the first doctor's appointment when we were labeled "infertile" and were told that we would need to seek out interventions to help us become parents.  Tears were shed when each of the IUIs didn't work.  Many many many tears were shed when the adoption fell through.  Tears were shed when the first IVF didn't work.  Tears of joy streamed down my face when I found out I was pregnant only to be replaced with tears of "fear" as we learned that our pregnancy might not be viable and that the baby might not make it.  Tears fell down our faces almost all day every day after we found out that our little miracle's heart had stopped beating.

 But now, the tears that I have are tears of hope, joy, and gratitude for the amazing people in my life, their generosity, and the prospect that our child could be out there somewhere right now, growing and developing and waiting for us!  What an amazing miracle adoption is!  I have always felt that Jon and Brandi (my adopted brother and sister) were meant to be ours - that before they were even conceived, God meant them to be in our family and knew what He had to do to get them there.  So, each day I think about the child who will someday be "ours" and the journey that we had to take to bring him/her home.  I can't wait to tell our child about all of the twists and turns that we went through and all of the people that helped to make it happen. 

My biggest fear about adoption is how our child will feel about being raised by adoptive parents rather than birth parents.  I never want our child to feel unwanted or abandoned.  I was talking to Jon about adoption and how he thinks the baby will feel about it and his response was:
"I think the baby will feel so special that God saved them for you.  I know you and Ed are going to be good parents and that baby is going to feel like God loves them so much that He picked you to be his mom"  WOW - does that make you cry or what!!!! 

So, from now on we are shedding tears of joy and even as I sit here writing this, the tears that I have are no longer filled with hurt, anger, frustration, and sadness!